"A comprehensive, witty, and practical guide....A product of acquired wisdom, it is invaluable for the families and friends of the accused and the incarcerated"--cover.

Star light, star bright, get me out of jail tonight! : those terrible telephone calls -- The golden road to Samarqand : preface to freedom -- You, the gumshoe : how to get critical information -- Toss your crib, car, and computer : an urgent priority -- Going to the big house : jail visits -- "Give your hearts to Jesus, boys" : life in jail -- Sick, confused, and crazy : medical care and mental illness -- Bureaucratic heroin and black holes : commissaries and jail phones -- How chancroid saves a twink : sex in jail -- As the worm turns : drug addiction -- Does the elevator go up to the top, or not? : homo chaoticus, unsocialized man -- Hitting bottom : how to recognize a readiness to change -- Why gung ho is good : the character factories -- To help or not to help? : rating defendants -- The tickle of the Trocar : bail and bail bonds -- How a wino saved the sixth amendment : public defenders, plea bargains, and the caseload gorilla -- The pin-striped mafia : fee whores, voodoo doctors, dodo birds, and other legal vermin -- Crackerjack private attorneys : how to find the prize in the box -- Show me the work, I'll show you the money : getting a quotation for legal services and fees -- Negotiating a contract for legal defense : getting the bang for your bucks -- How to help the defense : getting busy in jail and out -- Money! money! money! : the budget -- Outdoor jail : probation and parole -- To snitch is a bitch : cooperating with police and prosecutors -- Your personal witness protection program : blowing the 'hood -- The family management plan : making a difference for your defendant -- Why are so many people in jail? : juking the stats in the crime-crazed U.S.A.