A satirical memoir written in the style of Donald Trump shares lampooning insights into the forty-fifth president's election, disdain for the press, backroom strategy sessions with White House advisers, and world-changing decisions.

You actually can't spell America without "me' -- I had to do it my way -- This is American history -- I won, I'm a winner, I'm the winner -- With great wealth comes great quality -- The actual legal takeover of the government -- I need a TV in the Oval -- It finally felt real, like a movie -- I'm the President -- I feel like a new man -- I like tough -- It was about to get even better -- The so-called Russia stories -- If I acted "presidential" I'd lose my special powers -- The American people understand -- A good test for Comey -- They said it on the news -- The bad polls are probably mostly or completely fake -- Everybody lied to me -- Ivanka has such a gorgeous smile -- The presidency really is like a TV series -- I never panic -- I had to "kill" him- kill in quotation marks -- The "Special Counsel" is totally rigged -- Everyone nervous except me -- Is Jared a Fredo? -- We're both strong and know the score -- If anything happens to me, here's the truth -- We'll all look back and laugh about this -- Call him Flipper -- It's a crazy world -- So many, many secrets to keep -- Route 66 -- MAGA -- My Nobel Prize -- Shlimazel -- Ang Buhlay Ay Maganda -- Was that all a dream? -- All fake -- Hooray President Trump, hooray Presidente Trump, hooray President Trump in Russian with the crazy backward 3 -- The end.