What I really want for Christmas -- Helpful tips on how to throw an unforgettable holiday party and die alone in six easy steps -- Naughty or nice -- O Holy night, or the year I ruined Christmas -- There's a gun somewhere under the Christmas tree -- Have yourself a Kmart little Christmas -- Mashed potatoes, yams, and a urine sample -- Deck the mall -- Jingle hell -- Where do good trees go when they die? -- Christmas death trap -- The most unfun Christmas party hostess ever -- Happy holidays from the asshole family.